A new dating trend called “Banksying” involves secretly planning a breakup months in advance while slowly withdrawing from the relationship without alerting the partner. Named after the anonymous street artist, this practice has gained traction on social media, with some people even consulting AI tools like ChatGPT for breakup strategies, raising concerns about deceptive relationship behaviors in the digital age.
What you should know: Banksying differs from naturally losing interest—it’s a deliberate, calculated withdrawal where someone has already decided to end the relationship but keeps their partner completely unaware.
- The person doing the “Banksying” has plenty of time to adjust to the breakup but leaves their partner in the dark until the deed is finally done.
- When it finally happens, the breakup can completely blindside the significant other, despite weeks or months of secret planning.
How AI is involved: People are increasingly turning to artificial intelligence for guidance on executing these drawn-out breakup strategies.
- In one reported case, a 22-year-old discovered her partner had been planning their breakup for months after finding his TikTok posts revealing he had consulted online communities and ChatGPT for advice.
- ChatGPT currently provides specific recommendations for “slow withdrawal” tactics, including gradually reducing time together, keeping conversations surface-level, and expanding social circles to naturally diffuse energy away from the relationship.
The psychology behind it: Several factors drive people to choose this deceptive approach over direct communication.
- Some lack the courage to confront their true feelings and move on from emotional, psychological, social, financial, or logistical entanglements.
- Others want time to construct an external narrative that makes them look good or set up alternative dating options before ending their current relationship.
- The practice essentially allows someone to avoid the immediate discomfort of an honest breakup conversation.
Why experts say it’s harmful: Relationship professionals argue that Banksying represents an ultimately selfish act that wastes everyone’s time and damages trust.
- Being deliberately deceived for extended periods can leave recipients questioning everything about their former partner and relationship.
- The experience often makes people overly suspicious of future partners, creating lasting psychological impacts.
- Every day spent with the wrong match is potentially one day less with the right person in the future.
What they’re saying: Dr. Bruce Y. Lee, a physician who writes about health and social trends, emphasizes the importance of honest communication over deceptive strategies.
- “The measure of people is not necessarily how they enter relationships—whether personal or professional—but how they exit them,” Lee writes.
- “Banksying basically demonstrates that the other person is much better off without you.”
The bottom line: Rather than consulting AI for elaborate breakup schemes, experts recommend direct honesty when relationships aren’t working, noting that frankness and openness ultimately respect both parties’ dignity and time.
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