Two-way street: AI etiquette emerges as machines learn from human manners

The way we interact with AI systems reveals deep patterns in human psychology and behavior, with the rise of polite interactions with chatbots highlighting our tendency to anthropomorphize technology. Recent data from OpenAI shows that users saying “please” and “thank you” to ChatGPT is costing millions in additional computing resources annually—yet most users continue this practice out of habit or social conditioning. This phenomenon raises important questions about how we balance our innate tendency to see agency in objects with a clear-eyed understanding of AI’s fundamental nature.

The big picture: More than half of Americans report using polite language with AI chatbots simply because “it’s the nice thing to do,” revealing how deeply ingrained social courtesy remains even in human-machine interactions.

• An additional 12% admit they’re polite to AI because they want to stay on good terms with potential “future AI overlords,” suggesting a blend of humor and genuine uncertainty about AI’s trajectory.
• These interactions expose our natural tendency to attribute consciousness and agency to non-living entities, from ancient religious statues to modern digital assistants.

Why this matters: How we speak to AI systems subtly shapes both the technology and ourselves, creating a feedback loop that influences development in ways most users never consider.

• Each polite interaction becomes training data that nudges large language models toward reflecting more courteous human behavior.
• Our habits of speech reinforce patterns of respect that extend beyond digital interactions into our real-world relationships.

The psychological angle: Humans default to polite speech patterns with AI largely because changing conversational rules creates cognitive friction.

• The mental effort required to switch between human-to-human and human-to-machine communication styles often exceeds the perceived benefit of changing behavior.
• This path of least resistance actually yields important benefits despite seeming irrational at first glance.

Practical benefits: Speaking politely to AI can improve the quality of responses users receive from these systems.

• Microsoft senior designer Kurtis Beavers notes that using professional, collaborative language with AI models tends to generate similarly professional and helpful responses.
• This “mirroring effect” creates a virtuous cycle where courtesy begets better performance.

The balancing act: While politeness has benefits, experts caution against excessive anthropomorphization of AI systems.

• Using courteous language becomes problematic only when users forget that AI lacks actual consciousness or agency.
• The real intelligence and responsibility remain with human users and developers, not with the “ghost in the machine.”

The bottom line: Saying “please” and “thank you” to AI represents a harmless habit that reinforces positive social norms while potentially improving system performance.

• These small courtesies serve as reminders of the values we hope technology will ultimately amplify rather than diminish.
• The key is maintaining awareness that we’re training reflections of ourselves, not interacting with conscious entities.